1
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VTR 1659, part 1, take 1.

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Nice to get the weight off your feet,
isn't it?

3
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Oh, it's marvellous.

4
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You know, there's something about our
day's physical labour, Sid, gives you

5
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special kind of feeling.

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Yes, knackered.

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No, it's a very healthy and useful life,
this. You know, the farming community

8
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has the lowest rate of immorality.

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I'm not surprised. They're too bloody
tired.

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I'm going to write some letters tonight,
I think. What are you going to do?

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Same as I did last night and the night
before.

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Sweet Fanny Adams.

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Now, come on, Sid, there's plenty to do.

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Oh, yes, plenty to do.

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Mind you, I could go in for this
competition. Here, any appetiser?

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Maternity fashion contest.

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Never know, I could win a year's supply
of nappies.

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Or if I really want to take a trip, I
could thumb through this pamphlet from

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Minervagon Fish.

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Soft fruit, pest and disease control.

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It's unabridged. No.

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You're always complaining, Sid.

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Of course I'm complaining. I'm fed up.

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Wouldn't be so bad if we had a
television. We don't want a television.

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Well, I do want a television. Blimey, I
want to know what's going on in the

26
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world. There's earth -shattering events
going on out there and we're missing

27
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them.

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Blimey, for all we know, Elsie Tanner
might have run off with Albert Titlock.

29
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Tatlock. Oh, what's the difference?

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Very earth -shattering, that, isn't it?

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Well, I'm going to go on my letters.

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Who's stopping you?

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Listen, why don't you write some
letters?

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I've got nobody to write to.

35
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Ah, don't be ridiculous. Of course you
have. Everybody's got somebody they can

36
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write to. You're just too lazy.

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Yeah, I suppose I could write to the
orphanage. Yeah, you are. You could...

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Orphanage? Yes.

39
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What orphanage? The orphanage I was
brought up in.

40
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Oh, sorry, Sid. I didn't know.

41
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That's all right, mate.

42
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You mean your mother and father died
when you were little, then?

43
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Well, I don't really know. I was
abandoned, you see.

44
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Abandoned? Hmm.

45
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Of course, I don't remember much about
it. I was only two years old, two weeks

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old at the time.

47
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As a matter of fact, I was... It was a
Christmas Eve, and I was left on a

48
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doorstep in Sydney Street.

49
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What's the matter?

50
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Well, it's just sad, Sid, you know.

51
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I've been no mother and father on
Christmas Eve.

52
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Oh, it's all right, don't cry. You know,
what you don't have, you don't miss.

53
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Until I was two years old, I thought my
mother was a big, fluffy toy panda.

54
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What do you mean?

55
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You've no idea who your parents are,
then? Well, not officially.

56
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What do you mean, not officially?

57
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Well, I always had a feeling that my
father had something to do with the sea.

58
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How'd you make that up? Well, because I
was being so fond of the sea.

59
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You fond of the sea?

60
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The only chap I know who gets seasick on
Battersea Pond.

61
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Well, I was a very heavy swell.

62
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You've only got to look at me to see
that I resemble a famous seafaring man.

63
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You don't resemble anyone to me.

64
00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:50,880
Now, have a good look. Come on, have a
look.

65
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What sailor do I remind you of? Look.

66
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Popeye. Oh, blimey.

67
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It's all a supposition there.

68
00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:01,910
Just hang on a minute.

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Here, now, look.

70
00:04:10,010 --> 00:04:11,810
Now, then, who do I put you in mind of?

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Oh, yes.

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Yes? Yes, I know. Go on, go on. Yes?

73
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Come in number five.

74
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:22,939
Well... You know, come in number five,
the man in the batter's... Oh, don't be

75
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so stupid. Well, that's who you look
like to me. Well, it wasn't him.

76
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:29,870
Well, then who was this mythical matalo
supposed to be your father, then?

77
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,090
Chichester.

78
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:36,939
Sir Francis Chichester. Yes, why not?
Now who's being stupid? Oh, don't be

79
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:38,199
silly. It's not impossible.

80
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:42,019
Will you seriously suggest that Sir
Francis Chichester might be your father?

81
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:45,080
Yes, why not? Well, why would he abandon
you?

82
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,330
Well, how do I... I know. Blimey, I was
too young to remember.

83
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Perhaps he was hard up at the time.

84
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Well, why hasn't he reclaimed you then,
eh?

85
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It was an orphanage I was in, not a
blasted pawn shop.

86
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,500
You can't keep popping kids in and out.

87
00:04:58,501 --> 00:05:01,439
That sounds far -fetched to me. You've
no definite proof.

88
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As far as I'm concerned, your father
could be anybody.

89
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,800
Yes, perhaps you're right.

90
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,000
I wonder if it's Mountbatten.

91
00:05:13,450 --> 00:05:17,180
I think your best bet is the man on the
Battersea Boating Lake. Oh, felt that.

92
00:05:17,210 --> 00:05:19,620
Well, I'm going to go on writing my
letters, Sid.

93
00:05:20,630 --> 00:05:21,850
I wonder who that can be.

94
00:05:22,270 --> 00:05:25,220
Perhaps it's Sir Francis come to claim
his long -lost heir.

95
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Go and see who it is, then.

96
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You see who it is. Look, I'm writing.
I'm reading.

97
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It's a bird.

98
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Hello, boys.

99
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Oh, what a journey. I thought that
doesn't ever get here. I'm frozen.

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Queenie, what are you doing? Let me come
in and warm myself.

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Well,

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this is nice, isn't it? When you two
lads walked out of that office, I said

103
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the other chars, oh, they'll be back.
But you've proved me wrong. You've stuck

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it out.

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And good for you, I say.

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I was ever so pleased to get your
postcard. I showed it all round.

107
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They was all jealous.

108
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,830
Oh, this is nice. Is the kettle on?

109
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I'm spitting feathers.

110
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Yes, well...

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Warm yourself up. We'll make you a cup
of tea.

112
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Come here a minute, Vic. Yeah.

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What is Moll Flanders doing here?

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I don't know.

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She said she was glad to get our
postcard.

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Well, I did send her a card, Sid. I
mean, just to be sociable. You didn't

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to invite her.

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I didn't.

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Not in so many words. I just said, if
you happen to be passing, pop in.

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There we are. She's popped.

121
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Oh, what are you two boys up to?

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I thought you was putting the kettle on.

123
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Well, it's true what they say.

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If you want a job doing, do it yourself.

125
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Now, don't you worry. I'll find out
where everything is. Yes, OK. Cups and

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sauces. Oh, we haven't been washing up
our dishes. Well, I... Well, you can do

127
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that while the kettle's boiling.

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You wash, you wipe. I'm going to tidy up
the living room.

129
00:07:01,861 --> 00:07:08,059
It's happening. She's taking over. Oh,
she means well, Sid. That's what they

130
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:09,140
about Barbara Castle.

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She left to go.

132
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Who? Barbara Castle? No, both of them.

133
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Especially Queenie. She's the main
reason I left that bloomin' office.

134
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Oh, look, Sid, be sociable. Just for one
evening. Look, she's come a long way to

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see us. All right. All right. I'll put
up with her for a couple of hours, but

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don't you ever invite her again. No, all
right, all right. I won't. What's all

137
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this, then? The dishes won't do them.

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Don't get stuck in. Yes, yes. This place
is like a pizza.

139
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Well, we'll still get it cleaned up.

140
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,050
I'll give it a real good turning out
first thing tomorrow.

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00:07:37,460 --> 00:07:38,510
Tomorrow?

142
00:07:38,511 --> 00:07:40,139
Aren't you going back tonight?

143
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:41,720
No, I'm on me holidays.

144
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,800
You've got me here for a fortnight.

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Come on, Noddy, get up.

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Come on.

147
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,380
Come on, wake up. Come on, come on, come
on.

148
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,070
Get up.

149
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:56,290
It's all right, you being cheerful. Sit
on my back.

150
00:07:56,291 --> 00:07:59,719
Look, I can't sleep on this lumpy city
for a fortnight. Well, it's all right,

151
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,370
you don't have to. You've got a chair, a
table, a floor.

152
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,470
Well, why can't we take it in turns to
have your bed?

153
00:08:05,471 --> 00:08:08,719
Because you invited her in. It's only
right she should have your bed. Now,

154
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:09,770
on, get up. Right.

155
00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:11,300
And just... Ah! Ooh!

156
00:08:11,301 --> 00:08:12,819
What's the matter?

157
00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:14,000
Oh, my back's locked in.

158
00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:15,119
I can't move.

159
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,259
I'll fix it. Just a minute. What are you
going to do? It's just a matter of

160
00:08:17,260 --> 00:08:19,480
finding the right vertebrae. And I
went... Ah!

161
00:08:19,971 --> 00:08:21,879
There you are.

162
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,410
That would have cost you ten guineas in
my history.

163
00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:26,030
Come on, you two.

164
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:27,410
Breakfast's ready.

165
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:39,629
What do you think you're doing?

166
00:08:39,630 --> 00:08:41,449
Well, we're sitting down to have our
breakfast.

167
00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:42,500
Oh, no, you're not.

168
00:08:42,501 --> 00:08:45,689
Well, you don't think we're going to
have it standing up, do you? Have you

169
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:49,490
washed? No, no, we haven't. Well, don't
you usually wash before breakfast?

170
00:08:49,870 --> 00:08:51,670
We don't usually wash before dinner.

171
00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:55,920
Well, you're not sitting at my table
without washing.

172
00:08:55,990 --> 00:08:58,410
A clean day deserves a clean face.

173
00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,890
Here's a tail leash. Just don't argue.

174
00:09:01,090 --> 00:09:02,510
No wash, no breakfast.

175
00:09:06,350 --> 00:09:07,400
Nothing there.

176
00:09:07,401 --> 00:09:11,069
What do you mean, not in there? You're
not washing in that sink. I just cleaned

177
00:09:11,070 --> 00:09:15,449
it. We haven't got a bathroom, Queenie.
I know. You'll find a basin of water

178
00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:16,500
outside.

179
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:21,210
Outside? Yes, come on, hurry up. You'll
have your breakfast cold.

180
00:09:22,590 --> 00:09:24,250
And wash behind your ears.

181
00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:27,940
No, no, no, Sid.

182
00:09:27,941 --> 00:09:31,829
Oh, Blarley, she's a menace. Yeah, well,
stop moaning. You're only making it

183
00:09:31,830 --> 00:09:34,529
worse, aren't you? Well, it's
ridiculous. I mean, she's treating us

184
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:35,670
making us wash out here.

185
00:09:35,671 --> 00:09:38,219
Next thing you know, she'll want to
inspect our fingernails.

186
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:41,410
Well, it's Friday night I'm worried
about when we take our bath.

187
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:44,230
Well, she's not inspecting anything of
mine then.

188
00:09:46,660 --> 00:09:47,710
Hang on.

189
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:00,880
It's very, very refreshing to eat.

190
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:03,460
I can have my breakfast.

191
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,660
Oh, yes, much.

192
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:17,610
Just a minute.

193
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:21,560
Let me see your fingernails.

194
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,280
Right, you can sit down now.

195
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:26,610
Thank you very much.

196
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,420
Now, what about Grace?

197
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,550
Grace who?

198
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,850
Before meals.

199
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,330
Oh, that Grace.

200
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:41,039
Who normally says it? Well, Sid normally
does the honours. Oh, come on, Sid, say

201
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,090
Grace.

202
00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,220
For what we're about to nosh.

203
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,020
Thank you very much.

204
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,740
Is that the revised version, sir?

205
00:10:52,540 --> 00:10:54,640
Here we are, then. Hold your plates up.

206
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:06,380
I'll take it all back.

207
00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:13,180
You've never seen porridge like that
before.

208
00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:20,969
If you don't mind, I'll skip the
porridge. It's a bit too heavy for me.

209
00:11:20,970 --> 00:11:22,050
porridge isn't heavy.

210
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:24,450
Then why has it cracked the plate?

211
00:11:26,290 --> 00:11:28,050
That's not cracked. It's a hair.

212
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:29,730
Oh, gosh.

213
00:11:30,670 --> 00:11:32,650
Now, don't be so fatty. Get it down,
you.

214
00:11:32,850 --> 00:11:36,010
It'll do you good. I'm going to go and
start on that living room.

215
00:11:38,010 --> 00:11:39,060
Look at that.

216
00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:40,440
Sid!

217
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:41,840
I think it's setting.

218
00:11:41,841 --> 00:11:45,249
Give me your plate. What are you going
to do? I'm going to throw it away. No,

219
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:45,969
no, no.

220
00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:48,149
You're not going to eat it, are you?
Yes, you're coming at me for pointing

221
00:11:48,150 --> 00:11:49,200
walls.

222
00:11:49,201 --> 00:11:50,849
Oh, look, Sid.

223
00:11:50,850 --> 00:11:52,709
We can't thank Queenie for a fortnight,
right?

224
00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:53,760
You're quite right.

225
00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:55,200
She's got to go. Yes.

226
00:11:55,201 --> 00:11:56,849
And you're going to tell her.

227
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:57,900
Me?

228
00:11:57,990 --> 00:12:02,370
Oh, I couldn't do that. She's an old
lady. I might upset her or something.

229
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:03,940
All right.

230
00:12:05,330 --> 00:12:06,380
I'll tell her. Yeah.

231
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:07,560
You tell her.

232
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:21,989
Yeah, well, it's very nice to want to
have a chat, Sidney, but I haven't got

233
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:24,789
time. There's a lot to do. Yeah, well,
never mind about that. Put it down. Come

234
00:12:24,790 --> 00:12:27,409
on, please, Sidney. Oh, well, all right,
just for a minute.

235
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:28,610
Just sit down here.

236
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:30,810
Yeah. Here, sit down. Yeah.

237
00:12:31,470 --> 00:12:35,270
Adam, you know that Vic and I appreciate
you coming to visit us.

238
00:12:35,271 --> 00:12:37,969
Oh, you've no need to thank me. Yeah,
well, sit down, sit down. You see, the

239
00:12:37,970 --> 00:12:41,089
point is that we don't want you to do
all this work. Oh, well, I'm only too

240
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:44,169
happy to do it. Well, sit down. I said,
like, you know, we do appreciate you.

241
00:12:44,170 --> 00:12:45,450
Sit down a minute, quick.

242
00:12:46,310 --> 00:12:47,360
Queenie, sit down.

243
00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:49,050
Sit down, Queenie. What is it, Sid?

244
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,110
You've got something on your mind.

245
00:12:51,111 --> 00:12:55,609
Yes. Well, Queenie, you're on holiday,
aren't you? Yeah, that's right. Yeah,

246
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:58,289
well, I mean, what kind of a holiday is
it if you haven't it all is cleaning up

247
00:12:58,290 --> 00:13:00,460
for Vic and me? Oh, I'm having a lovely
time.

248
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:02,430
Oh. What about your husband?

249
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:05,550
Who, Bert? Yes. Oh, he's away on
business.

250
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:08,409
Well, haven't you got any children?

251
00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:09,460
Yes and no.

252
00:13:10,350 --> 00:13:11,810
What do you mean, yes and no?

253
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:15,050
Well, Bert and me, we did have a little
baby, but...

254
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:21,459
It was during the Depression and Bert
was away and there was no money and I

255
00:13:21,460 --> 00:13:23,540
desperate and it was Christmas Eve.

256
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,280
Christmas Eve? Yeah.

257
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,940
So I wrapped it up and left it on the
steps of an orphanage.

258
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,520
An orphanage? Yeah.

259
00:13:37,940 --> 00:13:39,400
In Sydney Street.

260
00:13:49,550 --> 00:13:51,720
I'm going to have another go at my
porridge.

261
00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:23,310
Sid!

262
00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:25,400
Sid! What do you want?

263
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:34,980
What are you lurking in the loo for?

264
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:36,790
Is Queenie about?

265
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,210
If you mean your mother, she's upstairs
making the bed.

266
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,940
Now then, what did she say when you told
her? I haven't told her.

267
00:14:44,220 --> 00:14:45,270
Oh, why not?

268
00:14:45,271 --> 00:14:48,479
Well, I don't want to rush it. I mean,
it's come as a bit of a shock to find

269
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,460
related to somebody so rough and common.

270
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,660
Well... She'll soon get used to it. Not
me, the slut. I'm coming in quick.

271
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,919
Sure. Now, there's no way to talk about
your mother, Sid.

272
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,039
Remind me, she's a far cry from Lady
Chichester.

273
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,090
Oh, please.

274
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,200
What about Daddy, then? Who's he?

275
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,950
I don't know. He seems to travel a lot.
He's always away.

276
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:09,919
What's to take after him? Ah, you know,
Sid, when I think about it, finding out

277
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,220
Queenie's your mother, it's marvellous.

278
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,420
When I think about it, it's frightening.

279
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:16,660
And I think you ought to tell her.

280
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,260
Yes. I can't keep putting it off, can I?
You owe it to her, Sidney.

281
00:15:20,980 --> 00:15:22,720
Right, well, got to get it over with.

282
00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,440
That's right, Bert, Clover Farm.

283
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:32,300
Now, of course they won't mind you
coming down to stay with me.

284
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,300
Right, I'll see you this afternoon.

285
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,610
Ta -ra.

286
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,150
Hello,

287
00:15:42,151 --> 00:15:47,459
boys. Queenie, I want to have a chat.
Will you sit down, please? Oh, you're

288
00:15:47,460 --> 00:15:48,739
of your little chats, aren't you?

289
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:49,790
Sit down.

290
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,480
Right. Oh, go on.

291
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,010
Well?

292
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,260
Yeah, well, go on, Sid, go on.

293
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,600
Haven't you got any work to do?

294
00:15:58,900 --> 00:15:59,950
No, no, no.

295
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,980
Yes, well, I've got something I want to
tell you.

296
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,530
Yes, and I've got something I want to
tell you.

297
00:16:06,531 --> 00:16:07,239
You have?

298
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,380
Yeah, Bert's coming.

299
00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:09,910
Bert? My Bert.

300
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,680
Oh. You see, he came home earlier, found
out where I was and phoned.

301
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:14,930
He's at the station.

302
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:18,940
I've asked him to come down. I hope you
don't mind. No, of course we don't.

303
00:16:18,941 --> 00:16:22,339
Like a family reunion, won't it? And
we're looking forward to meeting him,

304
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:23,379
aren't we, Sidney?

305
00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:27,659
Oh, yes, very much, yes. Oh, well,
that's all right, then. You see, I

306
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:31,330
expect him home for another month, but
he got time off for good behaviour.

307
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:35,920
Oh, well, that's... That's very nice of
him.

308
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:40,080
Yeah, he always behaves himself when
he's inside.

309
00:16:40,740 --> 00:16:41,790
Inside?

310
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,500
Don't tell me he's a convict.

311
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,540
A trustee, if you don't mind.

312
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,690
Yes, Sid, your knife's gone a funny
colour.

313
00:16:48,691 --> 00:16:53,339
Oh, I do hope I haven't shocked you. No,
no, no, Sid's very broad -minded,

314
00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:54,540
aren't you, Sid? Oh, yes.

315
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,640
Oh, yes. Well, I mean, even respectable
people go to prison these days. I mean,

316
00:16:58,641 --> 00:17:01,759
it's no crime to go to prison, is it? I
mean, for all we know, Bert got nicked

317
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,739
for something he didn't do. You're quite
right, Sid. He was nicked for something

318
00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:05,790
he didn't do.

319
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:09,569
What was it he didn't do? He didn't wipe
his fingerprints off the gas meter.

320
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,589
Well... I mean, you see there, you know,
I see it.

321
00:17:14,590 --> 00:17:17,809
None of us is perfect. We're all
entitled to one lapse or another. I

322
00:17:17,810 --> 00:17:19,429
least he'll have learned his lesson,
won't he?

323
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:22,860
I mean, he won't make the same mistake
again, will he? No, he won't. Oh.

324
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:24,670
I've knitted him a pair of gloves.

325
00:17:26,790 --> 00:17:29,440
Don't tell me he makes a habit of
nobbling gas meters.

326
00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:32,710
Oh, why not? It's his trade, isn't it?
It's all he knows.

327
00:17:32,711 --> 00:17:35,129
What did I tell him? He went straight.

328
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:38,470
Well, it's very nice of you to be so
nice about that and me.

329
00:17:38,670 --> 00:17:41,500
Don't mention it. Well, what was it you
wanted to tell me?

330
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:45,169
Well, Bert's coming in a minute, isn't
he? Yeah, just at any minute, yeah.

331
00:17:45,170 --> 00:17:47,329
well, I'd better wait till he gets here,
because it concerns you both. Well,

332
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:48,569
couldn't you tell me now?

333
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:51,040
Yeah, you tell her now, Sid. Go on. All
right, I will.

334
00:17:51,630 --> 00:17:55,469
It's about that baby you left at the
orphanage. Oh, don't mention anything

335
00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:56,409
that to Bert.

336
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:57,149
Why not?

337
00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:58,200
He doesn't know.

338
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:05,909
But he must know. He was the father,
wasn't he? Oh, yeah, but he was away at

339
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,310
time. You know what I mean.

340
00:18:07,590 --> 00:18:09,450
Yes, I've got a pretty good idea, yeah.

341
00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:11,210
So I never told him.

342
00:18:11,211 --> 00:18:15,059
being married and you never mentioned
it?

343
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,260
I've never married.

344
00:18:21,540 --> 00:18:22,590
You've never what?

345
00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:27,199
Well, we never seemed to get round to
it. We made the arrangements a couple of

346
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,250
times, but Bert kept on having to go
away.

347
00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:34,540
Oh, here's my bag. It's in. Oh, excuse
me a minute.

348
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,360
Your past is catching up with you now,
Sid.

349
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,250
Never married.

350
00:18:41,810 --> 00:18:44,280
I've often been called one, but I never
knew I was.

351
00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:46,710
Now, you cheer up, Sid.

352
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:49,710
The next man through that door will be
your father.

353
00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:51,060
He is not that.

354
00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:52,440
Tell me that.

355
00:18:58,010 --> 00:18:59,060
Sid?

356
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:00,290
Go away. Leave me alone.

357
00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:02,569
Come on out.

358
00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:05,110
I am not coming out. I'm never coming
out again.

359
00:19:06,430 --> 00:19:09,810
Look, you've got to sooner or later if
only let somebody else go in.

360
00:19:14,990 --> 00:19:16,040
as Bonnie and Clyde.

361
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:20,909
If you mean your mother, she said she
was going out shopping.

362
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,770
You sure she didn't say shoplifting?

363
00:19:22,771 --> 00:19:25,749
And Daddy's got his feet up in the
living room now. Are you going to tell

364
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,109
now? No, I'm not going to tell him. I
don't want him to know. I don't want

365
00:19:28,110 --> 00:19:30,249
anybody to know. I'm trying to forget it
myself.

366
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:33,689
He's not so terrible. Of course he's
terrible. It's a stigma, isn't it?

367
00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:35,110
No, not nowadays.

368
00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:38,380
People are taking notes of things like
that.

369
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,250
I mean, you're the same old Sid.

370
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:43,580
Though legally you are. Don't keep
saying that.

371
00:19:44,030 --> 00:19:45,270
I know exactly what I am.

372
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:48,649
Well, look, if you're so worried about
it, it needs to become legitimate.

373
00:19:48,650 --> 00:19:52,490
Oh. Well, you see, a child is no longer
illegitimate when the parents marry.

374
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,310
No matter if it's years after.

375
00:19:54,311 --> 00:19:55,609
Is that so?

376
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:56,309
Of course.

377
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:58,300
All you've got to do is get them to
marry.

378
00:19:58,781 --> 00:20:00,549
You're right.

379
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:02,050
Yeah. You're absolutely right.

380
00:20:02,370 --> 00:20:03,420
That's it, yes.

381
00:20:03,421 --> 00:20:06,249
Well, I mean, it's time they got
married, isn't it? They've been courting

382
00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:07,300
over 40 years.

383
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,050
A nice drop of scotch you've got here.

384
00:20:20,051 --> 00:20:22,589
Yeah, you should know. You finished your
bottle.

385
00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:24,609
Right, well, I'd like to have a word
with you.

386
00:20:24,610 --> 00:20:25,660
Yes, son.

387
00:20:27,670 --> 00:20:29,710
Son? Yeah. Why do you call me son?

388
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,660
Ah, just a figure of speech, and I call
everybody son.

389
00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:38,230
Oh. Of course, sir. Anyway, I reckon I'm
old enough to be your father, eh? Oh,

390
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,420
good.

391
00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:42,570
Well, what is it, son? Well, it's
personal.

392
00:20:42,571 --> 00:20:45,969
Yes, go on, go on. Yes, I mean, it's
about you and Queenie. Yeah, well, what

393
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:48,689
about me and Queenie? Well, Queenie told
me that you and her aren't married.

394
00:20:48,690 --> 00:20:49,289
That's right.

395
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,850
Well, you've got to get married.

396
00:20:51,470 --> 00:20:56,110
Got to? Yes, got to. I'm only out of the
nick after nine months. The Jezebel.

397
00:20:56,190 --> 00:20:57,370
Who put her in the club?

398
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,430
She's not in that club, you silly old
twit.

399
00:21:02,790 --> 00:21:05,050
I just feel that she would like to be
married.

400
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:08,380
Ah, we don't want to follow that
nonsense. It's a waste of money.

401
00:21:08,730 --> 00:21:09,780
I'll pay.

402
00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:11,560
You? Yes.

403
00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:13,710
Flowers and chars and all? Yes.

404
00:21:13,990 --> 00:21:16,520
And a big booze up after? Yes, yes, yes.
Honeymoon?

405
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:21,010
Honeymoon? After 12 years, 40 years
living over the brush?

406
00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:23,730
You can't have a wedding without a
honeymoon.

407
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:25,940
All right, all right. A week in
Southend.

408
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,990
A fortnight in Torquay.

409
00:21:28,690 --> 00:21:29,740
Southend and like it.

410
00:21:30,010 --> 00:21:31,060
Suit yourself.

411
00:21:31,061 --> 00:21:33,349
I'm not fussy about getting married. All
right, all right.

412
00:21:33,350 --> 00:21:34,650
A fortnight in Torquay.

413
00:21:35,090 --> 00:21:36,870
That's very kind of you, son.

414
00:21:36,871 --> 00:21:40,869
Now look here, I can't let you pay for
it all. I must contribute something.

415
00:21:40,870 --> 00:21:42,210
Here, hold on to that there.

416
00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:44,900
There you are.

417
00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:47,270
Five knickers with a shillings.

418
00:21:49,750 --> 00:21:50,800
Shillings? No.

419
00:21:50,890 --> 00:21:53,120
Out of somebody's gas meter. That's
correct.

420
00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:55,050
I'm not taking it. It's stolen money.

421
00:21:55,190 --> 00:21:56,240
No, it's not.

422
00:21:56,310 --> 00:21:57,390
It's out of your meter.

423
00:22:02,430 --> 00:22:05,250
Yeah. Two second -class tickets to
Gretna Green.

424
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:06,900
Two returns to Torquay.

425
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,890
You're in the Seaview Boarding House,
central heating and no metres.

426
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,520
Oh. Well, how do I look?

427
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,620
Oh, marvellous. Gordon knows how much
it's cost me.

428
00:22:17,621 --> 00:22:24,039
Can't let the happy couple go without a
little toast, can we? Oh, you know, Sid,

429
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,299
I'll never thank you enough for doing
all this, but I still don't quite

430
00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:28,350
understand why.

431
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,799
Tell him, Sid. Yes. Well, I didn't
really do it just for you. I mean, do

432
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,419
remember you told me about a certain
Christmas Eve in Sydney Street?

433
00:22:35,420 --> 00:22:37,759
You mean when she left our nipper at the
orphanage?

434
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,140
How did you know about that?

435
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:44,539
I found out loud, but I didn't say
anything because I thought when you

436
00:22:44,540 --> 00:22:46,280
to know, you'd tell me. Oh.

437
00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:49,599
Yes, well, anyway, Sid, that is one of
the reasons I want you to get married,

438
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,580
that your baby would be legitimate.

439
00:22:51,940 --> 00:22:53,020
What a lovely thought.

440
00:22:53,420 --> 00:22:55,160
Yeah. Tell him the other reason, Sid.

441
00:22:55,161 --> 00:22:58,399
Have you ever wondered what happened to
your baby?

442
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,360
Oh, yeah, many a time, but it was a long
time ago.

443
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,739
That kitty will have grown up by now and
made a life for itself. I wouldn't want

444
00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:06,719
to interfere.

445
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,180
I mean, look at us. That and me.

446
00:23:09,181 --> 00:23:13,179
It'd be a bit of a shock to anyone,
wouldn't it, to find out they're us as

447
00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:14,230
parents.

448
00:23:17,740 --> 00:23:22,019
Yes, well, do you realise it was 45
years ago you left that baby at the

449
00:23:22,020 --> 00:23:23,580
orphanage? Yeah, that's right.

450
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,480
I was left at an orphanage 45 years ago.

451
00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:29,480
There's a coincidence.

452
00:23:29,481 --> 00:23:34,729
If I told you that I was that baby,
would you think that was a coincidence?

453
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:35,890
No, a bloody miracle.

454
00:23:38,410 --> 00:23:39,460
That was a girl.

455
00:24:06,790 --> 00:24:09,750
Yes. We'll come and visit you every
month.

456
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:14,410
Ah, isn't that lovely, then, eh? Well,
let's have a little drink, shall we,

457
00:24:14,690 --> 00:24:16,430
To the bride and groom.

458
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,130
To our new...

459
00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:22,730
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